Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You made out with two different species that night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
