The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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