Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
