the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
