I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
