Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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