theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
