my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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