Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
