We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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