from now on my penis is your penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is Oprah even human
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
