After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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