how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
