My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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