im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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