Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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