Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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