you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
