I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
