u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
