I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you have to choose: penises or morals?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
