Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. Itβs like the pied piper, but with penis
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