i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
