I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
