Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
