Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
