i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize