I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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