i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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