TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
