goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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