I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
