He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
