My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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