Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
