i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
