I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
