i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
