you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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