I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
