So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
