Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
