hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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