my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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