Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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