I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
