he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
