I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
