I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
