how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
