Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
