recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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