I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is Oprah even human
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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