I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
