I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
