If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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