I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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